Further peanut devastation

Recently a very annoying person happily posted a comment about my peanut anarchy. This person's annoyance-ability initially stems from posting a comment as "anonymous". Unless one is wanted by the FBI for human trafficking it is very silly to write in terms of anonymity on the internet. Blogs are where stupid things are supposed to be said (just read most of my posts).

Now, onto her comments. (How I know it was a female is my little secret. - YEARS of very-expensive government training)

This piece will consist of Ms. Anonymous' quotes followed by my highly evocative and disdainfully sarcastic reply.


"My concern is about some of the unintended misinterpretations that have been made in your piece."

If the interpretation is unintended it is a corollary that it is a misinterpretation. This is a literary error known as a reverse-axiomatic entendre' with a syllogistic falsification. (Please see Jesse Jackson for a detailed explanation of its usage)

"For those who are NOT peanut allergic (a large majority), it is actually very important that they are regularly exposed to peanuts."

I heartily agree. My next proposal would be that all children between the ages of 6 and 11, be buried in peanut butter at least once per week. I am going to assume that "anonymous" is suggesting prolonged exposure to peanuts either to develop in children a system prophylactic against allergens or because she wants them to smell nutty. Not sure which. However, if it is the former, this type of prophylactic measurement does not work with all allergens and may not work with peanuts. For example, all humans are highly allergic to tetrodotoxin, found in highest concentration, I believe in the ovaries of puffer fish. If we were to apply Ms. Anonymous' theory to this substance we would lose large segments of our population. (as long as we started in California or Massachusetts, it really wouldn't be such a big deal).

"On the flip-side, peanuts are one of the single most dangerous allergies known to man. This sounds dramatic right? However, those with severe reactions, can be effected by simply the smell. As you might be aware, smelling a peanut doesn't require that it be actually placed in one's nose."

Actually, it does. When one uses the word "smell" and is not referring to the President, or Charlie Sheen's acting, one is referring to the use of an organ medically referred to as a "nose". The nose is a wonderful thing. It provides a transport pathway from the outside world into your respiratory system. But it does much more. Have you ever seen a Mexican or Latin woman with huge, black hairs growing out of her nose? Didn't it give you the heebee-jeebies? (Just imagine if you were her husband!) Anyway, as unerotic (is that a word) as those hairs may be, they are part of a defensive system which keeps all sorts of nasty creatures from poisoning you. As air enters your nose, the hairs within it, capture foreign particles and screen them out. These particles, some of them known as "airborn pathogens" could be very harmful. The nose also warms the air, etc. But back to peanuts. In order to be physiologically harmed by a substance, said substance must interact with our bodies on at least the tissue level. An allergen which could harm you through your nose must be airborne. Medically this is known as a "aeroallergen". I am not Leonardo DaVinci (you thought I was going to say DiCaprio, didn't you!) but I am pretty certain neither peanuts or peanut butter are airborne unless one throws them. Now, certainly, Ms. Anonymous is correct if someone heaves a honking-sized peanut up your nose. You will be hating life - BIG TIME. But otherwise, it can't harm you physiologically. But Psychologically is another matter. I'm not a psycho so I can't address that.

"Imagine, little Joey sits at his peanut-free table in the school cafeteria. Joey's best friend Matt can't sit with his buddy. This is because he is at the table across the aisle is eating his peanut-butter sandwich. After lunch, Matt says "hhhhi" to Joey. The peanut butter smell from Matt's breath enters Joey's cardiovascular system. Joey's system begins to shut down. His blood vessels throughout his body begin to constrtict. His airways begin to close. Joey can no longer breathe and begins to turn blue. He passes out. If an epipen is not near, he will go into a coma and die. This isn't a hypothetical - this is what happens."

If Matt's saliva, laced with toxic peanuts flies into Joey's mouth or nose (see above), then Joey would need access to vasodilator such as epinephrine. Even the folks who make the "EpiPen" in whose best interest it is to SELL them as often as possible state, "There have even been rare cases documented in which inhalation exposure to a food has triggered an anaphylactic reaction." They cite a parameter from the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and immunology, which must provide the most extreme possibility for doctors to be aware of. But Joey cannot have a physiological reaction to something he is not actually exposed to. He can have a psychological reaction to a problem, but that is for the psycho's to comment upon - I am not qualified. So obviously, this is not "what happens". Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah.

"The Food and Allergy network does NOT recommend peanut bans in schools, but instead education. But while you can certainly trust Joey to wash his hands and stay away from peanut products, how do you ensure that Matt washes his hands well enough? That a small amount doesn't get smeared on the monkey bars? That he brush his teeth? Should peanut allergic kids be kept in a bubble?"

How do you know you can trust Joey to wash his hands? The Monkey bars? Joey needs to stop licking them. Brushing his teeth? Tell Joey to stop using Matt's toothbrush!
You may have just stumbled onto a solution for the problem of this generation - stopping radical Islam and extricating the U.S. from Iraq. Peanuts! If we have thousands of Americans brush their teeth after having eaten peanut brittle, we can then partially sterilize the brushes and send them in deceptive packaging to the terrorists who will then use them and die! Or, we can construct hundreds of sets of Monkey bars, laced with peanut butter throughout Baghdad. Either way, we win!

Yea Baby!!!!!!!!!

And some of you want a woman to be President?