Some advice for men and women in marriage

Not that I'm gunning for Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil, but last night I experienced a very sad event and think it needs addressing:

A young minister was buried today, his funeral held last night. He was murdered by an act of sin and killed by a virus designed by the devil, commonly referred to as AIDs. This young man, for some reason, known only to him, decided to have sex with a woman to whom he was not married and it cost him his life. Unfortunately, most of the statistical data tell us that this is not an uncommon occurrance. George Barna, the Christian researcher, has come under fire recently for telling the truth about the hidden sin within the church. Data from the Census and other statistical references point to a behavioral pattern among those calling themselves "Christians" that is very unhealthy at best and deadly at worst. It can properly be said that today more "Christians" are divorced and engage in extramarital affairs than those who do not identify themselves with God.

Why? Well, one reason is that the "church" has been redefined as a building, which is a topic for another conversation, but another more important reason is that most people have placed their trust in a god they neither know, nor obey; not the God of the bible. Many persons living in America today, claiming the Christian faith, simply do not read, understand and follow the bible.

"Wait!" I can hear the cries now. I attend Beth Moore's study every monday! I have read the purpose driven life 3 times! I pray Jabez' prayer every day! Good resources all, but I repeat; most people have no more than a rudimentary understanding of the Bible.

If you have read this blog previously, you may know that the axiom upon which I have built my adult life is, "Reality is the mind of God revealed in the word of God". Dr. Steve Sullivan, Pharmacist, Pastor and Seminary Professor came up with this - and he's correct.

So, what does the word of God (reality) say about the subject of marriage?

1. It says that married people do not belong to themselves. In fact, all people belong to God, but Jesus makes is even clearer in the New Testament when He says that "wives submit to your husbands" and "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church." (1 Cor. 5:22-25).

How in the world can a wife love someone who ignores her, stays gone all the time, never talks to her and isn't interested in her goals, dreams or ideas and instead of having a six-pack stomach now has the whole keg?

or

How in the world can a husband love a wife who nags, sticks plastic cylinders in her hair, appears to have more and more menstrual cycles every month, has decided to start looking more like a man every day and who has exchanged her svelte figure for some new figure consisting of double digits?

How do we as fallen, nasty humans live with someone else for our entire lives?

We cannot - as fallen humans. But as children of the living God, we can put aside our nastiness, our selfishness and our laziness and carve out a life worth living - together.

This is the Bible's secret to lifelong marriage. Living together isn't marriage. Homosexuals live together, as do geese and octopi. Marriage is a man and a woman living in a triune love relationship with Jesus Christ, themselves and one another. How can the Bible help us have marriages that reflect this?

We must read it! But read it carefully!

The bible's wisdom section (Proverbs) tells us "It is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Proverbs 21:9). This is a truism, but not a recipe for a lasting relationship unless you are a roofing contractor.

The Bible does have an answer for everything. It does not address every situation, but its principles apply to any thing we may face living on this planet.

I recall an exchange between a man who had come for counseling prior to a divorce.
A question was asked of the man, "do you love your wife?"

No! He replied, I can't stand her.

"At this point, would you consider her your enemy?"

"You bet", he replied.

A smile came upon the counselor's face; the sort of smile the Grinch smiles when he has
discovered yet another unsuspecting Who, that has believed in a merry Christmas.

The counselor, casually picked up his bible and asked, "Let's look at what Jesus had to say about our enemies."
He turned to Matthew 5:44 and read, "But I tell you, LOVE your enemies, pray for those who persecute you."
The husband began to squirm.

Was Jesus making up a biblical rule He knew nobody could follow? Was He the greatest practical joker who ever lived?
No, Jesus is God and God's Son and wants only the greatest benefit to accrue to the account of those who worship Him. So why such a demanding doctrine?

It isn't demanding. It only seems so. Satan, or the devil or whatever you want to call him, has deceived our world into thinking that living life together as husband and wife is a demanding, thankless task only to be undertaken for the sake of appearance or as one psychiatrist has written, "for the sake of the kids". Nonsense.

Marriage is hard - if you try to do it on your own. In fact, I believe its impossible without God, which is why so many western "Christians" find it hard to remain faithful to their spouses.

Make no mistake - being a real Christian does not guarantee perpetual happiness and fun in marriage. While the bible tells us very little about Peter's wife, we know that Peter was martyred by crucifixion. His wife must have been devastated by this; it certainly was not a source of fun for her.

But these things are only like shadows on a mirror, not the true reality which are untold treasures promised to believers in Jesus Christ. (See 1 Peter 1 for details)

What the Bible tells us is that by following Jesus Christ and living by adoption into the family of God DOES guarantee us eternal power to overcome the trials, snares and temptations which destroy marriage. If human beings were capable of overcoming these things on their own, this world would be devoid of drug addicts or alcoholics; there would be no need for counselors or detoxification centers. The trials of this life are often not ours to choose.

What is ours to choose is whether we use the power of God as He has intended it to be used in order to overcome them.

Although much of popular psychology and self-improvement is garbage, there is an exercise which I believe has great merit. Anthony Robbins of late-night T.V. fame calls it his, "rocking chair" test. He pictures himself in a rocking chair at the age of 90, looking back over his life. He then asks himself the question, "did I live my life to its fullest?"

I would keep the chair, but swap the question for one more eternal; "did my marriage reflect God?"

If you asked this question regarding your marriage, what would the honest answer be?