This week's post is the first in a series of lectures I presented to a small, green fern which sits beside my computer monitor. I have entitled this series "Things boys do better than girls" not owing to any jealousy or inherent disdain for the "fairer sex"; rather it is my desire to highlight the unequivocal supremacy of males in certain aspects of the the order of life.
Requests for the audio series of this lecture may be made to:
Things boys do better than girls - series (include lecture number)
Attn: The plant behind the computer monitor
Andrew's bedroom, left wall
Ipswich, U.K. 33245
Lecture one:
First of all let me begin by saying that it was very gracious of you, being a small, slightly green fern to welcome me in such a gracious manner and to so attentively listen as I rambled incessantly on.
As any sentient being knows, there are a great many things which boys do that are far superior to the things girls do and it is my intention throughout this series to highlight them in the hopes that someone will become enraged or at least mildly irritated and also to initiate a rivalry of sorts between girls and boys on the subjects I present. The first and most obvious action in which boys are far superior to girls is the act of eating dirt. Before you begin shouting "that's not bloody fair!" at your screen or the audio player, let me remind you that I am a scientist and everything described in these lectures will have been tested according to the scientific method.
Now, to continue, when I discovered that boys were far superior to girls in the eating of dirt, I began developing hypothoses which might explain or at least demonsrate this important fact. I asked the following questions:
1. Do boys generally live closer to dirt?
2. Does dirt have an attraction to boys?
3. Are boys electronegative compared to dirt?
4. Does dirt not like girls?
After much investigation I determined that none of these questions even began to explain how boys might be better at eating dirt than girls. Then, one morning as I and the plant began discussing this subject, I hit upon it.
May I have the first slide please? Yes, thank you.
Here we have Ascaris Lumbricoides. (plant has waved slightly in approval or perhaps from the ceiling fan)
Ascaris Lumbricoides is an intestinal roundworm found mainly in males which lives in soil (Dirt). It lives in the human body and breeds, (sometimes as many as 200,000 eggs in 1 - day) and are ingested from soil, then multiply and pass through the digestive system and into the pulmonary system, through the walls of the Alveoli and into the respiratory tract. They then are re-digested in the intestinal tract and start the whole things all over again. The discovery of large numbers of this parasite in males vs. the relatively few incidences of infection in femals is proof positive that boys are far superior to girls in the eating of dirt.
One can imagine the elation I experienced having discovered this proof. I must say that at the risk of sounding boorish or perhaps even a bit conceited, it is now my belief that I am much better at finding intestinal parasites in boys than girls are. Perhaps a subject for another lecture?
At any rate, it has been my great pleasure to lecture before you and my thanks go to the academy for all of its support during my long minutes (O.K. seconds) of painstaking research.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
I love the writings of John
Everyone should learn classical Greek. We sell our society short by not teaching the languages upon which ours was founded.
Anyway, reading John's gospel in it's original language, allows one to picture the aged apostle, sitting at a dusty desk somewhere, sometime in the latter portion of the 1st century. Scribbling on parchments with a quill, the Apostle must have smiled as he recollected his life and the journey that God had taken him on.
The first portion of his gospel is my favorite and specifically, Chapter 1, verse 12. In the Greek, this verse reads "Hosoi de elabon autou, edooken autois exousian tekna theo genesthai, tois pisteuousin eis to onoma aoutou". (pardon my transliteration)
The most important part of this verse for me is the highlighted portion above. This portion reads, "He gave (granted) the power to be children of God".
This unspeakable gift is in response to "those who believed in His name" which is mentioned previously. Now imagine John writing this. He may have been in the city of Ephesus, and he had no idea that he would be soon exiled to the island of Patmos in a slave-labor camp and called upon by God to write yet another book - Revelation. John was "the disciple whom Jesus loved" and was the only disciple present at the cross when Jesus was crucified. He cared for Mary, the mother of Jesus and his gospel more than any other expresses the love of God. When he wrote these words, which have been the foundation of Christian faith for more than 2000 years, did he really understand what he was saying? I believe so, and this is where the Greek language is so important. The word "exousian" means, "the granting of authority or power" (shorter lexicon of the Greek NT - Wilbur Gingrich,Fred Danker). In the Greek context, since the world at that time was ruled by Rome, this would have meant the authority of a Roman tribunal granting some power to a person - an official act. Rome brought about the rule of law (unfortunately enforced by brutality) to a unified world, and the granting of authority under Roman law was a serious issue. One did not flaunt the laws of Rome casually.
John, in writing this, tells his readers "everyone who has believed in the name of Jesus, has been granted official authority to become a literal child of God". By whom? Jesus Himself.
This authority comes from its only possible source - and cannot be derived or coopted by man. Only God can grant the right to become one of His children. This flies in the face of all of the mysticism or spirituality we see today - beliefs that empower man and deny any external authority.
My love for this passage doesn't stem from authority, (I know God has that) it stems from its meaning - that if I believe in the name of Jesus, I become a child of God; with all of the accompanying rights and responsibilities. No denominations, no church buildings, no testimonies, no clubs, no money - just believing in Him. This passage scares the heck out of most prefessional clergy because it pokes a hole in their false theology and undermines their desire to aggrandize themselves in the guise of Christianity. Yes, people are to gather together in worship and study. Yes, people are to tithe to support the poor and widows and help their neighbors and support their pastor, but it is only God's amazing grace- free and conditioned only by belief which gives us the authority and the right to become His children.
Our world does not need programs, advertising, radio stations, concerts or DVD's. What people need today is what they have always needed - a Heavenly Father who desires to grant them the right and authority to be His children.
Anyway, reading John's gospel in it's original language, allows one to picture the aged apostle, sitting at a dusty desk somewhere, sometime in the latter portion of the 1st century. Scribbling on parchments with a quill, the Apostle must have smiled as he recollected his life and the journey that God had taken him on.
The first portion of his gospel is my favorite and specifically, Chapter 1, verse 12. In the Greek, this verse reads "Hosoi de elabon autou, edooken autois exousian tekna theo genesthai, tois pisteuousin eis to onoma aoutou". (pardon my transliteration)
The most important part of this verse for me is the highlighted portion above. This portion reads, "He gave (granted) the power to be children of God".
This unspeakable gift is in response to "those who believed in His name" which is mentioned previously. Now imagine John writing this. He may have been in the city of Ephesus, and he had no idea that he would be soon exiled to the island of Patmos in a slave-labor camp and called upon by God to write yet another book - Revelation. John was "the disciple whom Jesus loved" and was the only disciple present at the cross when Jesus was crucified. He cared for Mary, the mother of Jesus and his gospel more than any other expresses the love of God. When he wrote these words, which have been the foundation of Christian faith for more than 2000 years, did he really understand what he was saying? I believe so, and this is where the Greek language is so important. The word "exousian" means, "the granting of authority or power" (shorter lexicon of the Greek NT - Wilbur Gingrich,Fred Danker). In the Greek context, since the world at that time was ruled by Rome, this would have meant the authority of a Roman tribunal granting some power to a person - an official act. Rome brought about the rule of law (unfortunately enforced by brutality) to a unified world, and the granting of authority under Roman law was a serious issue. One did not flaunt the laws of Rome casually.
John, in writing this, tells his readers "everyone who has believed in the name of Jesus, has been granted official authority to become a literal child of God". By whom? Jesus Himself.
This authority comes from its only possible source - and cannot be derived or coopted by man. Only God can grant the right to become one of His children. This flies in the face of all of the mysticism or spirituality we see today - beliefs that empower man and deny any external authority.
My love for this passage doesn't stem from authority, (I know God has that) it stems from its meaning - that if I believe in the name of Jesus, I become a child of God; with all of the accompanying rights and responsibilities. No denominations, no church buildings, no testimonies, no clubs, no money - just believing in Him. This passage scares the heck out of most prefessional clergy because it pokes a hole in their false theology and undermines their desire to aggrandize themselves in the guise of Christianity. Yes, people are to gather together in worship and study. Yes, people are to tithe to support the poor and widows and help their neighbors and support their pastor, but it is only God's amazing grace- free and conditioned only by belief which gives us the authority and the right to become His children.
Our world does not need programs, advertising, radio stations, concerts or DVD's. What people need today is what they have always needed - a Heavenly Father who desires to grant them the right and authority to be His children.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Do people REALLY understand what is happening in Iraq?
Whether one is a fan of George W. Bush or not, what is taking place in Iraq must be looked upon with an indifferent, historical eye - not one tainted by political fervor. Voting is taking place in Iraq. Now in America, where voting is looked upon as a nuisance, especially if one is a politician, casting a vote in Iraq makes one think of other blase' events like mowing the lawn or picking up one's mail. It is not. Iraq has NEVER in its history, held a vote. Since its inception in 1920, Iraq has been ruled, but never governed.
This morning in a newspaper, I saw a photograph of a woman voting in the current election. Having lived in an traveled about the Muslim world, this is an incredible feat. It would be foolish at best and deadly at worst for us to miss the significance of this. Under Shariya Islamic law, women have no rights. Apologies in advance for the "pro-Islam" folks who will email me disagreeing, but I have read the Quran and have lived in and traveled about the middle east. Women have no rights under the strict interpretation given to the Quran by the theocracies in most Islamic countries. Yes, there are exceptions (Yemen is one, Pakistan in changing) but by and large, women do not express opinions or vote in elections. In a new Iraq, (as in a new Afghanistan) women will not only express their opinion, but will be a part of government.
Was it worth it? That is a question I cannot answer. The humanistic part of me (what the bible calls the "Sin nature") believes that if Iraq was such a threat, a squadron of B1-B bombers could have taken care of the entire country in less than a day and there would be no insurgency. The Christian part of me ( the part I hope governs my life and actions) has seen the dramatic suffering in the middle east and wishes that Saddam could have been persuaded to go and live in San Francisco with the rest of the illuminati and a transition to democratic government could have happened peacefully. Neither has been the case so we now have what is commonly seen as a "difficulty". The average man or woman on the street in Baghdad wants nothing more than to live life with the hope of peace and some measure of prosperity. This was of course, impossible under a dictatorship, but will now be possible because of a new government. But will it be reality?
We need to pray fervently that it will be.
This morning in a newspaper, I saw a photograph of a woman voting in the current election. Having lived in an traveled about the Muslim world, this is an incredible feat. It would be foolish at best and deadly at worst for us to miss the significance of this. Under Shariya Islamic law, women have no rights. Apologies in advance for the "pro-Islam" folks who will email me disagreeing, but I have read the Quran and have lived in and traveled about the middle east. Women have no rights under the strict interpretation given to the Quran by the theocracies in most Islamic countries. Yes, there are exceptions (Yemen is one, Pakistan in changing) but by and large, women do not express opinions or vote in elections. In a new Iraq, (as in a new Afghanistan) women will not only express their opinion, but will be a part of government.
Was it worth it? That is a question I cannot answer. The humanistic part of me (what the bible calls the "Sin nature") believes that if Iraq was such a threat, a squadron of B1-B bombers could have taken care of the entire country in less than a day and there would be no insurgency. The Christian part of me ( the part I hope governs my life and actions) has seen the dramatic suffering in the middle east and wishes that Saddam could have been persuaded to go and live in San Francisco with the rest of the illuminati and a transition to democratic government could have happened peacefully. Neither has been the case so we now have what is commonly seen as a "difficulty". The average man or woman on the street in Baghdad wants nothing more than to live life with the hope of peace and some measure of prosperity. This was of course, impossible under a dictatorship, but will now be possible because of a new government. But will it be reality?
We need to pray fervently that it will be.
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